30/11/2010

Thoughts over the last few months...



Yikes, it has been getting on for 6 months since my last post. I have been doing various activities in my few months off, but now am keen to get them written down on the blog and really start pushing myself forward in developing some new work using these thoughts...

I started to think more specifically about my life and why I'm a walker.

Walking to make a memory?

I walk to feel good about, if I miss it out of my daily routine then I feel badly about myself. It would be stupid to think that it was all about the physical aspects of the ritual. As it is not just generally about exercise, if I don't take my time to walk and think then I feel like I am loosing control. So is that what it is about? Loosing control? Possibly. Its definitely something that only I alone, can control in my life and no one can do for me, the days I walk, are the days I am most content with life, with my life. It is never something I have to do in terms of career, friendships or just general survival necessity, yet it is always at the top of the list of my priorities. If I do do it, then it is something good that I didn't have to have done but I have anyway, and therefore I am in absolute control of my physical actions despite what life throws at me, especially the problem of TIME. There is always that issue of TIME, the ticking clock, it never goes away, there is no respite from it.

This control, I think, must be to counteract some bad behaviour somewhere along the line. But when I say BAD, not immoral, just some personal things that I feel I needn't have done. But this might not necessarily be true. This is only if feel it is only an activity to balance the element of control in my behaviour. Maybe it's simple. Maybe it's so simple in that it makes me happy and I enjoy it. But that wouldn't explain the feelings before and after. It could be an addiction, an addiction to endorphins released?

I am less interested in the reasons for this however, and perhaps more interested in this idea of the before and after..... How an activity, person, object, event can change dramatically before and after an event when really it hasn't changed at all, but our minds have.

"Most of what we do is the result of automatic responses to the world around us, rather than the outcome of conscious decision making. Changing our context is a more powerful way of shaping our behaviour than trying to change our minds..." [Autonomy]

I came across this quote when researching and reading for my previous work before the summer, but I feel that it is something that really sums up almost all of my thoughts and theories that I am interested in.

Something I read somewhere opened up my thoughts on the possible dramatic change of how we think about something sometimes based on a memory....

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